Jimmy does his laundry (January 6, 1981)

January 6, 1981

 Mr. James Garland did his laundry today.
 A significant event of unparalleled importance, which involved the pressing problem of how to transport himself and his laundry from 55 Two Bridges Road in Towaco to the A&P shopping center on Route 202 of that same town.
 This was accomplished through the efforts of Mr. Frank Quackenbush, who Mr. Garland persuaded after some heated moments on the telephone, to drive up from 418 Van Dyke Avenue, in Haledon, to pick up Mr. Garland and his laundry and drive both to the laundromat.
 Mr. Garland, upon Mr. Quackenbush's arrival, however, insisted upon making one small, brief stop at the local bookstore -- which happened to be in a direction directly opposite that of the laundromat. After some discussion with and verbal abuse from Mr. Garland, Mr. Quackenbush agreed. (Medical reports indicate that injuries sustained from the verbal abuse were only temporary, although some theory has been presented to indicate that repeated incidents of such abuse have been shown to cause permanent impairment. The loss of Mr. Quackenbush's mental facilities, however, has been attributed to a continual diet of cheeseburgers, French fries and Seven Up and not to Mr. Garland's abuse).
 Once they arrived at the bookstore, both men proceeded to stampede through the store in desperate search of readable material. They, of course, disagreed upon what was readable. This resulted in yet another blast of abuse from Mr. Garland, which had the opposite of its intended effect. Mr. Quackenbush then purchased the Spiderman comic over Mr. Garland's objections. Mr. Garland, in exasperation, looked up at the ceiling, spread his hands and was heard to say: ``Why me, Lord? Why me?''
 Then then proceed to the laundromat with Mr. Quackenbush constantly complaining about lack of food. Once at the laundromat the two men separated, Mr. Quackenbush entering the Sarti Pizzeria which he and Mr. Garland apparently frequented. Mr. Garland, once his laundry was securely placed in one of the washing machines, then jointed Mr. Quackenbush, immediately criticizing Mr. Quackenbush's diet as he, Mr. Garland, ordered the exact same thing.
 Over their food, they quarreled over some small point, a continuation of some previous and ongoing argument. In the midst of this, Mr. Garland stopped, then began criticizing Mr. Quackenbush for using his fingers to eat his food. Mr. Quackenbush then responded by saying: ``It's none of your business how I eat.''
 To which Mr. Garland responded: ``It is my business if it makes me ill.''
 This brought a long and unprintable response from Mr. Quackenbush, then both men fell into silence as they finished their food. Trouble ensued, however, when Mr. Garland referred to Mr. Quackenbush as a ``Squid.'' Mr. Quackenbush then pointed out that Mr. Garland could walk home. At which point, Mr. Garland and Mr. Quackenbush left the pizzeria, put Mr. Garland's laundry into a dryer, and then went back to the car to read Mr. Quackenbush's comic book.