August 22, 1983
Jimmy and I are roommates again.
A bitter Jimmy blames Ginger for his getting tossed out of Towaco.
This time there is no reprieve, only anger.
Jimmy’s, Ginger’s even mine – only mine comes from
depression and hatred of having bad things happen.
How do you look closely at the faces of the people you love
who are hurting?
This is just one more thing gone wrong lately, my car, my
finances, my uncle, things for which I have become irresponsible.
I suppose the first lesson I need to learn is how to take
those things in stride.
I need to develop routines that allow me to accomplish what
I must.
I know this all sounds vague.
What exactly must I do?
I should find serious work rather than try to live the life
of an artist.
How does Jimmy survive? (or our temporary roommate Clayton?)
Or even my lover, Anne?
How come my relationships always seem to fall apart when I
need them most?
I find myself at a loss as what to do, where to go, what to
aim for.
I have, of course, my writing, but even this suffers.
I have let myself fall for another heartache (this oddly
reflected in the one I see Jimmy suffering, too.)
I am a victim of my own life’s patterns and I am uncertain
how to change them.
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